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Best of the Blog
By Joanna Cattanach, Editor
Monday, 3rd May 2010
This blog item first appeared April 20.
I’m a church ho. I’ll go into any church, listen and leave and never return. I guess they’d call me a hit and quit it Christian, but I just haven’t felt compelled to join a church family.
I did once in college. I went from being a Baptist church member at home to a non-denominational church goer at school. They were all so cool. I had a built in set of new friends. Man, it was so simple…at first. Then things got complicated. Church wasn’t just Sunday for an hour at 11 a.m. or Wednesday night.
No, I needed to be at life group 1-2 hours a night one (and if I was a leader two) days a week between service, I should try to go to early morning prayer group, mission trips should be a part of my mantra, I had cell group leaders, their leaders had leaders. We didn’t call out minister pastor. We used his first name “Jimmy”. And whatever “Jimmy” said was law. And there were rules or ways of behaving that were more appropriate like it wasn’t wrong to drink alcohol but not in the greater Waco zip code. (What do you when you date and break up with a guy at church? Take our poll.)
When I did leave, it was hard. They called, asked what’s wrong, wanted to pray for me, left messages, and most never, ever spoke to me again. I was spurned. And haven’t felt compelled to join a congregation since. And I’m OK with that.
But a friend’s wife writes in this month’s Relevant magazine that her church breakup was hard to do. She explains in her piece, “Breaking Up…With Church,” that after seven years together she and her husband felt the need to leave. Miscommunication and unmet expectations were also a factor she said.
“After so long, I had poured so much of my life into this church. I was a deacon, children’s church volunteer, small group leader, art worship leader, Sunday service point person, fitness instructor and lots of other things I can’t even remember. Apart from these leadership and service roles, I had grown incredibly close to many congregants and fairly attached to the staff. I met and married my husband there. But it came down to the simple fact that I just wasn’t growing there anymore, despite my efforts and devotion,” writes Lauran.
“When my husband and I finally made that decision, we sat down with one of the church leaders to discuss why we felt we weren’t growing, and some of the concerns we had with the direction of the church’s new mission. He heard us out very thoughtfully. It was a tough conversation. I cried. At the end, he said, “If you stay, stay with grace, but if you leave, leave with grace.” It was nice to hear someone offer the same freedom we felt.” Lauran and her husband found a new church and she offers the tips on leaving gracefully including asking yourself what you can do to change the situation.
But take it from a church-ho, sometimes leaving gracefully isn’t an option.
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Comments
Posted by: Aunt Doris
06-30-2010 , 12:07
Found this article interesting and provocative. Would enjoy discussing it over dinner or coffee sometime.