Anyone who’s been in a long distance relationship knows the nights alone and the weekends without the one you love is difficult.

 

And this week my husband and I are going to be doing the long distance thing as I travel overseas. It’s not the first time we’ve been down this road. We started long distance and just a few months into our dating relationship I left him to live in Mexico for a semester in graduate school.

 

We made it through all of that, but this trip is going to be a challenge for both of us. We’re further into our marriage and separation is harder. And it’s not like I’m going on a cruise with girlfriends. I’m traveling alone and moving from country to country. And though he’s supportive and wants me to enjoy myself I can tell he’s not looking forward to spending time alone. You get used to your partner in a marriage, to someone always being there. And when you’re away from each other simple things like holding hands and movie nights take on a new meaning.

 

But it does make me much more empathetic to husbands and wives separated by 18 month deployments overseas, or those who travel to different countries, who work off shore oil rigs or long term jobs for money. The separation my husband and I are going to go through will be a few weeks but it’s still trying.

 

I don’t know if it’s harder to leave or be left behind? I’m the leaver and feel a little guilty. More traditional wives have asked me why I would leave on a trip without my husband. What’s he going to do? Why are you leaving that long? Like taking time for what I want isn’t allowed for a wife—even if my husband is OK with it.

 

But anyone who’s dabbled in long distance will tell you that while you’re away you always have strange episodes of doubt, worry, and fantasize about why he’s not answering the phone, or where he really is and what he’s doing Saturday nights all alone. And while you’re alone and away, even married or in a relationship, eyes wander, trust is tested and you have to remind yourself about who’s at home, who’s waiting for you. And, yes, you do feel guilty for spending whole days having fun and never once giving a thought to your partner back home.

 

To make our transition a little easier, we’re going to try things we’ve used in the past to stay in touch and a few extra measures to keep the loneliness at bay.

-         Email as much as possible

-         Phone calls every day (twice a day if possible)

-         Facebook updates

-         Love notes left behind as a reminder

-         Always start messages with ‘I miss you’ and end with ‘I love you’

-         Have faith, don’t let doubt travel long distance

-       Remember distance makes the heart grow fonder (it really does!)

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