For some reason I decided to buy skinny jeans. I know I’m not skinny. I know my legs and hips and thighs don’t naturally fit into a jean/spandex blend very well. But I’m turning 30 and dammit, I still got it! Or so I thought two weeks ago when I stood in front of shelves of tight, tapered, studded denim pants that stuck to the mannequins legs in the store like thick panty hose.
I love being able to wear boots on the outside of my jeans. I love that I feel fashionable in distressed denim. And I see girls everywhere in skinny jeans. Usually, it’s young 20 somethings and an increasing number of young Latina girls who don’t mind that skinny jeans weren’t ever meant for hips and curves but rather coltish figures with narrow pelvic bones.
I’ve worn my skinny jeans with pride. I’ve worn them with sandals, casual and cool. And at a recent condo vieweing in Uptown, my realtor's skinny jeans were so low slung we could see her booty smile as she walked by. Not professional, btw.
I've tried and tried, but I hate, I hate, I hate! my skinny jeans!
I hate that they never, ever stay up on my hips. I hate the my muffin top pushes them down and I’m forced to wear a belt with my “skinny” jeans that in no way make me feel skinny and somehow insult all of the other jeans—the curvy, the boot cut, the high waisted—in my closet that I can’t help but feel are chubby pieces of cotton blend that “cool” people aren’t wearing. Even style guru Tim Gunn
has mixed feeling about skinny jeans. In a Q &A with Marie Claire
magazine Gunn said, "The skinny jean or pant that looks like a cousin of the leggings isn't for everyone. In my point of view, it's a look that only works for teens and early-20-somethings. Period."
It’s a brilliant marketing technique. Call a pair of pants skinny jeans—not ill fitting denim meant only for pre-pubescent girls or actual skinny people with no ass to speak of—and women will buy them thinking they are a) skinny and b) thin if they can somehow squeeze their jiggly bits inside.
Well, screw you skinny jeans! I am not skinny. I am hippy and low waisted and that does not make me fat-pants girl. I have the figure I have. And I like my curves. And so do a lot of women. Remember when we used to wear pants that flattered our backsides, our figures and were comfortably cool—not fashionably tight?
If I want to wear boots, I’ll put on tights or a short skirt. I refuse to play a crotch-crawl, ass fall game with my skinny jeans anymore. We’re done. It was fun. But it’s over. I’m going back to my big girl pants, and I look great in them!
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